99 cents bitch!Nowhere on the planet can you get this much pure enjoyment for 99 cents. Maybe a two bit whore somewhere, but I'm talking about something that won't give you a disease.
These things are addicting. Very addicting. The packaging lies. The ingredients are sunflower seeds, salt, and crack. That's how they hook you. The first hits free but then it'll cost you.
Now that I'm looking at it, the packaging does lie. I have an empty bag here on my desk and it doesn't agree with the picture. It says 190 calories, 140 calories from fat, 16g of fat, yet only 1.5 grams of saturated fat. Sodium is a whopping 360mg, 5g carbs, but 7 grams of protein.
Also the packaging notes that the nutrition information is for hulled seeds. I bet that sodium figure is way off considering all the sucking you have to do to eat these sunflower seeds. I'll probably die of a coronary by 30.
I really do have it down to a science, maybe even an art form. Do they have sunflower seed eating competitions? I probably could come in third. You know first place would be some skinny Japanese guy who trains all day for competitions like these.
I know there are people out there devoted to David sunflower seeds, but frankly they are stupid. David's come stale out of the package, barely snap open and have too much salt. I've yet to try Spitz, but with a stupid ass name like that I don't feel the need to. I heard good things about Giants as well, but if your main fling works, why go somewhere else?
Ah, one more thing the package says, "eating instructions: crack open shells, discard shells, enjoy the seeds!" That's about as helpful as instructions on shampoo bottles. I think if you couldn't figure that out you should try out a padded helmet.
No comments:
Post a Comment